Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize