I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
