It's Friday. Sex?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
