we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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