Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
