the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
