you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
