She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
