There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
