Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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