It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
