I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
