Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
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