the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
