One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
