The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
