I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
