she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
