gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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