Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
