She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
