quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
