The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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