Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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