I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
