BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
A bitchslap is in order.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
