$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
