I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
