This is not my ceiling
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
