yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
