Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
