3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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