A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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