God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
