so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
