drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize