Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
