I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
