Moan for me like Helen Keller
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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