Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
