I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
