I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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