The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
