Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
