Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
