so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
