There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Randomize
