hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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