Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize