Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
