my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
