We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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