a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
