I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Randomize
