I am spending my child support on dildos
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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