I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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