well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
