i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
