Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
