Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
