we're chasing vodka with high fives
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
