Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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