Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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