if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
