Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
